Part of the holidays for many people is spending time with family. Family that is overly observant and comment on any noticeable changes to your appearance.

If this is you, you are not alone. So many of our families truly believe that they’re just being caring by commenting on physical changes. Unfortunately, we know all too well that those comments do more harm than good. Those comments likely contributed to and reinforced our disordered behaviors.

Navigating these comments while we’re in recovery can be tricky, so I want to offer you some support. Think of it as me going with you in your pocket, as a cheerleader of sorts!

My first piece of advice is about clothing. Wear something that you feel confident and comfortable in. I’ve talked about this before, here and here. And I cannot stress this enough. Wearing something that you feel safe and comfortable in can provide a base level of confidence and security.

This could be wearing colors that make you feel safe. Or a particular type of clothing that helps you feel your best (dresses or stretchy pants).

My next tip is to have your comebacks ready. Keep them in your pocket. Write them down on a notecard if you need to. But have them ready. This will add an additional layer of confidence to your outing. You know how to handle and protect yourself and your recovery.

In conversation

Some of my favorites are:

• “Thank you for your concern, I’m learning new ways to take care of my body now.”
• “I understand that you want the best for me, making comments about my body does not accomplish that.”
• “I hear that you’re concerned about me, and I’m no longer talking about how I take care of my body.”
• “Thank you, how are you doing?” (Shift the focus away from you)
• Change the subject, if the intrusion continues: “I’m going to do *something else*, this conversation isn’t helpful for me.
• “Yes, and what are you excited about this holiday season?”

If your family is particularly keen on invading your boundaries:

• Silence and blinking. Most people get the memo when we stop engaging in the conversation.
• If you’re blessed with near-sightedness like me, look over your glasses.
• Know your escape plan, is there a room you can go to for a few minutes to regroup. While you’re in there do some breathing work. Text a friend for support.
• If your family doesn’t seem to get the picture and you drove yourself, leave. Chunk the deuces and roll out. Your boundaries are valid and necessary. Honor them and others will have to follow suit.

Please know that it’s perfectly okay that you don’t go home this year. It doesn’t mean that you are isolating yourself, it means that you’re trying to protect yourself and your recovery. You are allowed to assert your boundary. Your boundaries are valid and worthy.

People not respecting your boundaries about this topic, and really any topic, says more about them than it does about you. Their vocalization about bodies and food is a direct reflection of their own relationship with food and body. That relationship has nothing to do with you.

Keep breathing,