Relationship with food. That sentence gets thrown around a lot right now. It seems almost trendy to talk about our “relationships with food.” While this is great, it has started to miss the point entirely. As intuitive eating becomes a trend, it’s important not to lose why it was created in the first place.

I care about your relationship with food because it gives me a window into how well you’re doing. Let me explain.

The relationship we have with ourselves, will be one of our longest standing relationships. If that relationship isn’t filled with compassion, curiosity, and gentleness, it has the potential to damage all the other relationships we engage in – both platonic and romantic.

So when I ask you about your relationship with food, it tells me more than you may be aware. It can give me a glimpse of what it was like growing up in your house, it can tell me what your financial picture looks like, it can tell me about your religious practices. Food is so much more than what we eat.

Food is one way we show love. Meals are how we celebrate and create community. Food can be a coping skill. When we stop and really take that into account, telling me about your relationship with food, I learn A LOT.

Ask Yourself

Does this relationship bring you joy? Is it curious? When you think about food, does it make you anxious? Are there certain foods or food groups you avoid? Are there rules? Do you feel “out of control”? Do you avoid social situations or bring your own food to feel in control? Is food stressful for financial reasons? Do you have consistent access to food (regardless of nutritive value)? Think about the people you spend the most time with, how does their relationship with food affect yours? Are you using food to relive other symptoms (anxiety, depression, gastrointestinal issues)?

Now What?

First, I want to let you know I have compassion for you. Eating “healthy” has been hijacked in a way that excludes and shames so many. I have compassion and empathy for a relationship that is filled with anxiety and shame. Before you blame yourself, remember that this a billion dollar industry (the diet industry), that profits from this. The way we have set up our society, we blame the individual entirely for situations that are mostly out of their control. So give yourself compassion and grace. It won’t always be this way. You won’t always feel this way.

The next step, is beginning to challenge (where possible) your current beliefs around food. It can be helpful to find resources during this stage. I recommend following registered dietitians who have done the work around intuitive eating and food freedom. Next I recommend the Intuitive Eating Workbook. This will provide you with structure in challenging your food rules.

If food insecurity is something that is a reality for you, I have so much compassion for you. If possible, food pantries in your area are a great resource.

Finally, I want to leave you with some words of encouragement:

You are not alone. Where you currently are is not where you are required to stay. You too are allowed to have a peaceful relationship with food.

Today is the best day to change your life!